dear astee

dear astee,

there are many things i want to tell you so guess i should start now. firstly, though you appear to be a very nice girl, deep down you're actually quite horrible and have a personality that can be well rather detestable. in fact you know it yourself but you refuse to change. and i dunno why. doesn't it hurt you to know that you're not as good as you can be? i can get quite disgusted at you sometimes. stop being stubborn yah?

another major problem you have is that you are really really selfish. the stuff you do sometimes benefit no one but yourself. and in the process of making yourself happy you end up hurting others instead. and do you care? no. most of the time you just ignore it. you're not the only person in this world you know? stop thinking about yourself only. and what's even worse is that sometimes you do stuff knowing it hurts others. what you don't know doesn't hurt you. i know that's not what you do. the good thing is that you don't hide much - whatever happens and whatever you do you usually always tell the truth. but admit it. sometimes you wish you could just do stuff without caring about anyone else. you wanna live a secret life without anyone else knowing and not feel guilty about it. but that's just not in you hence you don't do it. but you wish you could isn't it?

and my dear girl, your ego is also too big for your own good. i wonder why you're doing some stuff but i guess one possible reason is that you're trying to feed your ego? maybe deep down you're feeling very insecure that's why you're doing stuff like that. but i dunno. it's wrong isn't it? you basically just go around looking for trouble. you know you're asking for it yet you still do it. really, what are you thinking? is it that hard to put aside your own feelings and think about others instead? ahh astee you're seriously just one big selfish idiot.

you always want the best of both worlds. you're not willing to give up smth small for smth that's bigger and well more important. i don't think it's that hard you know but i dunno why you find it so. maybe you're right. some things just cannot be so easily explained. but isn't it better to give up smth if in the long run it benefits more people? sigh astee i dunno but i think i don't trust you anymore. really. you say one thing and you end up doing another. you make promises and you just end up breaking them. you said you'd try and you end up not bothering. then why say so in the first place then? you think that by saying stuff you can make people happier. but when in the end you don't do it it ends up hurting more you know?

oh well astee i wish you'd change. i know deep down you really want to as well. but u're too stubborn to try? or maybe you just have no more confidence in yourself. i know i've just been telling you what a terrible person you are but it's for your own good? trust me you can do it. you're not alone yah? you know there'll be people around who will help you. mhmm try to improve alright? then maybe i won't hate you so much anymore.